the one with the story of how I came to malaysia

My country coordinator, Laura, is on her way to the US right now for an event called DIP (discernment, interview, placement) to interview next year's volunteers. I bring this up for a variety of reasons. First and foremost? Nostalgia. I can't help but remember where I was just a year ago, what I was feeling, how this whole process began. Which happened to remind me that I've never actually shared the story of how I got to Malaysia, and most of you probably don't know all of it. Now is as better time as any to do so... bear with me on the length, I hope you'll enjoy it.

My journey began long before the DIP event last year. It actually began in the spring of my sophomore year. I had an open credit in my schedule (that was originally reserved for a choir trip), and had decided to travel for my May term class. That open credit sat before me like a map; I only needed to choose where I was going to study. My roommate and I discussed the many possibilities at great lengths, and in the end, I was hemming between two trips-- a trip to Alaska to work at a home for people with disabilities (and then possibly work there for the summer) or a trip to Tanzania to work with the Lutheran church and learn about the AIDS pandemic. I met with a fellow classmate of mine who had previously been to Tanzania to get a feel for the trip, ease my worries of safety and health, and to come up with a convincing argument to present to my mother to let me go. After talking to Chellie for a few fabulous hours, I felt that it wasn't even a choice. I knew I was going to go to Africa.

After petitioning to have the class added so we could travel to Africa the next May (it usually runs only once every two years, but we had a class' worth of interested people), I was blessed to be off on this adventure with a few of my closest friends and a wonderful group. Of course, I can't even begin to describe my time in Tanzania. While it was short, it was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned much-- about real joy, a quiet pace of life, true reliant hope, and simplicity. It wasn't an experience I could easily shake.

After returning to the States, with these feelings still quite fresh in my spirit, I headed off to my first summer at a wonderful camp. I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to counsel the best program of the summer (in my humble, biased opinion), a two week leadership program for high school students. That summer we had a seminarian as part of our team to be available for the campers when they had really difficult questions. One day, as he was leading a Bible study on calling and future purpose, he shared this quote with the group. "The kind of work God usually calls you to is a) the kind of work that you need to do and b) that the world most needs to have done. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

I feel a little bit ridiculous saying that I went all the way to Malaysia because of a quote. But denying that fact as part of the story would be false. That fall I started my senior year at Wartburg, completing my student teaching experience. Student teaching was difficult for me most days; I felt trapped by aspects of the work and I was anxious about the future. My thoughts just kept wandering... back to Africa, camp, and other work. The words of Frederick Buechner were still floating in my head as I started researching other options. What was my passion? What were the world's needs? There was a volunteer fair coming up at Wartburg, and even though I couldn't attend because of teaching, I asked a friend to grab me some pamphlets. At the end of the day, I was paging through the options, when the smiling face of a familiar couple caught my eye. It was the pastor whom I had worked with in Africa, on the front of the brochure highlighting the mission options available through the ELCA.

Maybe by this point, you can see where this is going. But, unfortunately for my anxiety, I still had no idea. I slowly began to think about the program, drawn to the one-year commitment through YAGM. My experience in Africa had given me the confidence and excitement to try something new. Over Christmas, I had a few important conversations with friends, toying with the possibility of "what if." I spent the next few months unsure and worried. I applied to YAGM, applied back to camp. Browsed through teaching jobs, but nothing seemed quite right.

Once your application is initially accepted to YAGM, you are given a questionnaire where you rate your country preferences. YAGM has programs in countries all over the world, and I was really interested in Slovakia/Hungary or South Africa. To be honest, I marked Malaysia on whim, while I wondered, where IS Malaysia?

The rest is just particulars: I was accepted to DIP to interview for the UK and Malaysia. As the weeks went by leading up to DIP, I researched more about Malaysia and was excited at the prospect of going there, beginning sentences with "if I go to Malaysia..." Even so, throughout the entire discernment weekend, I still hadn't stated out loud that this commitment was what I was going to do with the next year of my life. I was still unsure if I would accept the position that was offered, and then waited until the last day possible to finally accept, when really, I had known for a long time that this was what I wanted to do. The decision doubly solidified for me when I discovered my placement could be in education.

So, here I am writing, sweating buckets, learning, and enjoying life. I can't tell you why yet, I can only tell you how. As I think of the next group of YAGM that are preparing, worrying, and uselessly predicting, I hope for our replacements. That they are prepared to come to Malaysia, that someone is qualified to take my position, so that the work I started isn't left incomplete.

With all the work gearing up for next year, and my work inopportunely beginning to dwindle down, I am starting to think of home. Probably much more than I should. One trouble with being a volunteer position is that my class is usually the first thing that gets moved when there needs to be a change in the schedule. This is frustrating for me, as I am used to needing to use every second of my class time to teach. Also, my English class is a little bit equivalent to Oral Comm. freshman year of college; I'm not the top priority on my students' schedule. Some days these facts make it difficult for me to be motivated, along with the thought that maybe their learning won't be continued next year. How long will they retain what I taught them without future classes-- a month? a year?

Finally, I'm a planner. It's really hard for me not to try and plan my future or think about what awaits my arrival home, both in excitement and uncertainty. I need to be mentally here in Malaysia, focused on the time I have. Though it's easier said than done. Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.

Chapter two coming soon-- I bet you can't predict what will happen next :)